I am a twenty nine year old mother of three, and I am happily expecting my fourth child. I would like to share my story and have you print it on your website as a testimony for life. I have not had the easiest time with having my children. I became pregnant with my first child at the age of twenty by a guy that I barely knew. We broke up by the time I was two and a half months pregnant, nevertheless, I had my beautiful daughter with the support of my wonderful and accepting parents. I then got back together with my high school sweetheart and became pregnant about two years after having my first daughter.
Mike and I got married and I had my second beautiful daughter at age twenty-four. The marriage and family life with a house came so quick that it caused a lot of strain on my husband and I. Our marriage was plagued with constant fighting and disrespect for each other. It was a very difficult time because I was the sole caregiver and Mike was still hanging out with his friends and staying out to all hours of the night. I was very upset and angry with him most of the time. I was working full time and had met a very charming man at my job. I talked to him often and told him about my personal life with Mike. This was a very big mistake because it led to me having a one night stand with him. I had cheated on my husband and I felt horrible. Then three weeks later I had found out that I was pregnant! I was horrified and scared out of my mind. What was my husband going to do? Was he going to kill me? Was he going to kick me and the children out of the house? I felt so alone and scared and I did not dare tell anyone that I was pregnant. What was I going to do? All of the worry and anxiety consumed me.
I could not even concentrate on conversations that I had with family and friends. I let my mind spin out of control, and all because of the fact that I did not let myself talk to a rational person. Every thought that I had was irrational, but it seemed so real and true to me. So about one week after I had found out, I arranged to have an abortion through an agency I had found in the yellow pages under Abortion. I had never considered it before, even when I was twenty and pregnant with no father in sight. I talked myself into it. I went to have it and I forced myself to walk in like a robot, but luckily I had went to The Women's Center. I thought it was a place to have an abortion, but it was a pro-life center. They informed me of the procedure of abortion by letting me view a video of one. I was horrified, it was the most horrific procedure that I had ever seen. I began to weep and knew what I was supposed to do. I met an extraordinary woman there, she had just saved the life of my unborn baby! All I needed was a rational and caring person to talk to. I did have that in my family and friends, but I was too scared to tell them. Thank God for that wonderful place and for that woman. I walked out of there and went to my car. I sat there and felt all of the stress that I was feeling for the past four weeks, which felt like an eternity, just lifted off of my chest like a heavy weight.
I knew God was with me, and I had an incredible and overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be okay, and maybe it would end up being my husband's child of whom I loved with all of my heart. I was so sorry for what I had done to him, and I was still scared, but God let me know in that car that everything was going to be okay. So for nine months, everyone including Mike, thought I was pregnant with a child of our marriage. Now the outcome was going to be easy to see with naked eye, because Mike and I are both Irish and have light eyes and light hair, and the man that I had slept with had dark eyes and dark hair. My due date was here, and I proceeded to go into labor about a week later. Mike and I went to the hospital and I had a beautiful son named Jake with jet black hair and black eyes. He was not Mike's child and he knew it right away! He said some mean things to me and left the hospital. I left the hospital the next day with my son and moved straight into my parent's house with my three children. I was so upset, ashamed, and depressed. I thought God let me know everything was going to be okay, and here I was living at home with my Mom and Dad with my three children. I stayed with my parents for one year. In that year I got a job and saved up everything that I had made.
I wanted so bad to have a place of our own for the children and I. I prayed to God to help me, and I found a beautiful, huge flat in a nice neighborhood. The rent was high but I was determined to make ends meet. I even enrolled in college full time and worked three nights a week as a waitress and as a bartender. My mom and my aunt helped watch the kids and I proceeded with my new life. I found a new sense of confidence in school and by making it all on my own. I became a new person. I was not the same naive girl who made mistakes with men of whom I should have never been involved with in the first place. I was not ashamed of myself anymore. Everything was okay!! I finished my two years at community college with a 3.2 G.P.A. I was so proud of myself. It was a far cry from all of my irrational thoughts of three years earlier.
Now the story has an even happier ending. Mike came to me about two and a half years after separating and begged me to come back to him. This was all I had ever wanted before but it was not as precious as my son's life. He knew from the beginning how sorry I was and knew we had a difficult marriage. He is a changed man and I am a changed woman. We are not the same immature kids that we used to be. We dated again for about six months and we are now back living together for good. He is a great father to Jake and has accepted him as his own and we are expecting another baby! I am so happy and everything is Okay. Everything did work out and I have my beautiful children as living proof. The road was not easy or short, and my problems did not get fixed overnight, but God's promise came true. If you trust in Him, you will never be left alone.
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